I’m Living My Dream and I Still Get Sunday Scaries

how to feel less anxious

Back when I worked full time for a travel company, I’d usually feel some sense of melancholy on Sunday evenings: Even though I loved my job there was still something sad about saying goodbye to the extra freedom — and time — I had over the weekend.

But ever since I started working for myself, those Sunday Sads have turned into full-on Sunday Scaries in a way I’ve never experienced before. The more I’ve leaned into pursuing professional work that feeds my soul, the more uncertain my future has become (or at least the more uncertain it feels like it’s become, because as my friend recently reminded me, most people don’t know what their future career-wise is going to look like).

That fear of the unknown has triggered a good amount of anxiety, most of which slowly sets in on Sunday evenings and builds during the first couple of days of the week until I get so caught up in doing all of the things, that I forget to freak out about not knowing.

Here are a few things that have helped me feel less anxious in the past few months:

1. Reading a Book

There’s actually scientific proof that reading a story changes the chemistry in our brains. Functional MRI studies have shown that when we’re reading a story, our brain activity isn’t one of an observer but one of a participant and I’ve found that getting lost in someone else’s story — even for just five minutes — helps me feel less anxious about my own.

For the past few months, I’ve been starting and ending my days by reading a few pages of a book. In addition to giving me something else to focus on, with so much talk about how bad it is to look at a screen first thing in the morning and right before bed, it also feels like a small ‘win’ regardless of whatever else happens throughoug my day.

2. Taking a Yoga Class

Yoga is something I discovered as an adult living in San Francisco frustrated by the lack of dance cardio workouts that had become such a big part of my life back in college. A friend introduced me to Yoga to the People and I started going to classes a few times a week in the Mission.

Since then, practicing yoga has become much more about my mental health than physical health. Sure, stretching and strengthening my muscles in a lightly heated room is great for my body, but what I find more helpful is having a dedicated hour, in a dedicated space where the main goal is to focus on my breath.

With all the dancing I do, I only make it to a yoga class about once a week, but that 65 minutes is such an important part of keeping me calm.

If you’re in New York, check out Yoga Vida. Their Dumbo location is such a peaceful space that just walking into it makes me feel calmer.

3. Bathing in Epson Salt

Let me be clear: I used to hate baths. But when I started dancing every day this past fall, I needed another way to ease muscle soreness and tightness. Stretching before and after rehearsal wasn’t cutting it. Even with that weekly yoga class. So after some research, I started taking Epson salt baths a couple of times a month.

In addition to relaxing my muscles, bathing in Epson salt — which is a form of magneusim — has helped me feel less anxious too. There’s actually a scientific reason for this: stress depletes the body of magnesium, and when Epson salt dissolves in warm water, your skin absorbs the magnesium, helping you feel more calm and relaxed.

About 90 minutes after I get out of an Epson salt bath, I am SO TIRED. Like I-can-barely-keep-my-eyes- open tired. I end up falling asleep whether I want to or not, and it’s pretty hard to feel anxious while you’re sleeping.

4. Practicing Gratitude

Before I go to sleep on Sunday evenings, I write down five things I’m grateful for (a tradition I gleaned from a friend and former colleague). The list changes from week to week, but one thing that’s stayed consistent over the past few months is feeling grateful for getting to live my dream of dancing professionally.

When I lived in San Francisco I used to listen to my dance instructor talk about what it was like when he lived and danced in New York. He would talk about how exhausting it was to practice with his partner during the day, teach at night, and then go social dancing or perform and I would sit there thinking “I can’t wait to do all of that.” Even then I thought it would be stressful, exhausting, challenging, but it was a challenge I so desperately wanted. Remembering that I wanted FOR SO LONG all of the things I currently have conjures up feelings of gratitude, of pride (I did it! I’m here!), and helps me feel less anxious about the future.

5. Trusting Life’s Natural Ebb and Flow

Like I wrote on Instagram last week, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the past year is how to trust the natural ebb and flow of everything in life. Nothing can be all good or all bad all of the time. There will be highs and there will be lows –– both in my moods as well as in my relationships with my work, with dance, and with friends and romantic partners.

When I feel really anxious, I try to conjure up an image of an ocean tide in my mind. Often I’ll even pull up an ‘ocean wave’ playlist on Spotify to help my imagination get there. Picturing the rise and fall of the tide helps me remember that this tightness in my chest is not a permanent state of being. The anxiety I feel in this moment will fade. (It has after all disappeared before) and until it does, I will show up for myself and take deep, deep breaths to physically emulate the mental state I want to feel.

Do you have any tricks for dealing with anxiety, especially the kind that creeps in as the weekend winds down? If so, I’d love to know about them in the comments below!

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